Most of the friends that I've made here at CSUMB will not be returning next semester. I sympathize with most of their reasons, except for one of my friends. She failed ALL of her classes last semester. This semester she started skipping class during week 2 and eventually stopped going all together. Consequently, she is failing...again. She received an email from the school administration that revealed she was due at a meeting to discuss her academics. In the meeting it was expressed that the school no longer felt she was a valuable asset and is expelling her. She was distraught and upset about it so I comforted and supported her with kind words. However, I did not express how I actually felt which is - how could she be so obtuse? I mean, what did she expect to happen? If you don't go to school, then they let you go. This college does not want students who don't attend class, it makes CSUMB look bad. I think I was more upset that she wasted an opportunity when she had no good reason to do so.
If anyone should be failing classes, it should be me. I come from a broken home and was raised by a single mother. My father stepped out when I was 8 with hardly any contact since. My mom stepped out on me when I was 16 and told me she didn't want to be a parent anymore (things have since changed). I was diagnosed with several mental illnesses which make everyday a fucking struggle. My fondest memory of high school is snorting Oxycontin in the bathroom with friends and always being strung out in class. My mom had me institutionalized at 16. Two months into college I got arrested and put in jail. My college experience consists of getting drunk and doing speed. On March 6th, 2015 I got kicked out CSUMB Housing. I didn't tell my mom (she still doesn't know) and had 14 days to move out. I had to make enough money in a short period by myself to move into an apartment in Marina so I could keep going to school. Everything I've put myself through makes it that much harder for me to succeed compared to my peers, but somehow I still manage a 3.2 gpa at CSUMB.
Its like a slap in the face to see someone with various resources and support from family throw it all away. I wish I had so many people pushing me in the right direction like her. I wish I had something to look forward to besides statistics that say I will never amount to anything. I wish I had enough money to pay rent this month. I wish I didn't have to try 20 times harder than her. I wish I would have gotten a fair shot. I feel personally disrespected that she is failing because she has it easy. A million people would kill to go to college and here she is being a wasted slot. Someone more deserving could have gotten accepted to CSUMB and showed gratitude by working hard, but they will never see that chance because she got a slot, but chose to waste it.
My friend doesn't know I feel animosity towards her and I plan on keeping it that way. I'm choosing to deal with this conflict by avoiding it. I don't plan on expressing my feelings to her because it would not be constructive to our friendship. Somethings are better left unsaid and I don't want to invalidate her "struggle" by playing the "I have it worse" game - I'm not that obtuse. I am using the accommodation technique in regard to this situation. I will accommodate her sensitivity by sparing her my aggressive lecture.
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