A conflict memory

James Armstrong

Professor Rodger

4/15/2015

A Conflict Memory

Nothing initially comes to my mind when I think of a disturbing conflict within recent memory, as I do my best to avoid unnecessary confrontation and believe that conflict is usually of a negative nature and only serves to subvert the relationship of the parties involved. However with that being said, the most salient and provocative conflict that I have experienced in recent memory transpired at a grocery store.

            I had went to a grocery store to pick up a few items and accompanying me was a much younger friend that routinely skated with me and a group of people.  He was a bit of a troublemaker and had a penchant for being reckless and short sighted with his troublemaking.  For example he was expelled from two different schools and was no stranger to probation.

            Anyways as I was making my way through the aisles of the store finding and collecting the items that I needed my friend was off pilfering and stealing as many items as he saw fit.  I did not notice it as I was pretty oblivious and in my own world at the time.  Anyways we left as if nothing happened, I checked out everything I had and then paid.  I made my way towards my car and we waited inside my car for another friend who was supposed to meet us as well. 

            Soon enough my friend got in the car and we began driving away.  Just then one of the cashiers came out of the store and began taking pictures of my car, presumably for the license plate.  Not wanting to incur legal trouble for something I did not do, I decided to drive by her and ask if there was anything wrong or anything that I could do.  She responded with a smile and said “No, you’re fine.”  I then pressed and said I’d rather not have a confrontation, but I did see you taking pictures of my car.  At that the façade of her smile melted away instantly and she simply turned her face and walked inside without saying another word. 

            I was perplexed, as from my point of view I thought that that grown woman was acting a bit childish.  Anyways, easily deducing what my friend had done I go inside to once again ask her. 

            I said something along the lines of “Is there a problem, I saw you taking pictures of my car?”  She completely denied everything and I thought that it was quite immature, especially coming from someone who was in effect acting as a representative and enforcer of a company.   The prime emotion that I experienced just then was frustration, I was not nervous as I knew that I had done nothing wrong and the cameras were sure to explicate me of any wrong doing.  I was merely attempting to initiate a thorough discourse aimed at solving the issue at hand, expecting the cashier to treat the issue as an adult would. I decided that she would lead to little progress and asked instead to speak with a manager. 

            A manager came and I notified her that her employee was photographing my vehicle and at that point the two ladies walked off to the side to converse amongst each other.  During this time I was still a little bit frustrated, however I still managed to calmly navigate the issue as I usually tend to do.  I waited for them to come back and they said that my friend had been stealing and that they photographed my car in order to report it to the authorities.  I still managed to remain calm and slowly began explaining the dilemma to them, I had not stolen anything, If need be the security cameras could corroborate that.  I merely paid for my items and left.  The cashier then adopted a sharp accusatory tone and said something along the lines of “No but your friend did.”

            I then stated that I was not responsible for his actions in anyway but that I would be glad to pay for his malfeasance and I would just like to bury the hatchet and go about this like adults.  She said that it would be fine but she still would be reporting my license plate number to the police.  At that point I became indignant and decided to just ignore the cashier who obviously didn’t care for me as up until then the manager had been present but silent.  I told everything once again to the manager and said that I bore no ill will and that I completely understand where they are coming from but it was unfair to entangle me in the affairs of them and someone who I have no control over.  She said that she agreed and that they would not do anything with the information.  The manager was quite nice and said that she respected how I chose to go about handling the problem.  I offered to pay and she initially declined but upon further insistence she acquiesced and accepted my payment.  I felt relief and found the manager to be amicable. 

            Anyways as I was checking out the cashier told me that I would no longer be welcome on the premises and that if me or my friend stepped foot on the property that we would be charged with criminal trespassing.  Wanting to be done with the issue I just said “Ok”.  However the manager interjected and said that I would be welcome back anytime and that I seemed like a good kid while shooting a glance at the cashier.  I then gave thanks and left the store and went to my car, glad to have put the matter to bed. 

            All in all, I found a way to keep my emotions under control and during the conflict I primarily experienced frustration and indignation.  However my calm and polite demeanor paid off in that I escaped the experience unscathed and managing to deflect any punitive measures from myself.  With that being said, I usually handle things in this manner and find it to be the most effective means of dealing with conflict. In conclusion, I suppose it can be said that I do indeed seek peace and harmony and negation of strong emotions pertaining to the dealing with conflict.