Four Horseman Blog

Ellie Soriano

Blake Rodger

HCOM 214

16 April, 2015

Four Horsemen

            The four horseman of the apocalypse as related to interpersonal conflict are criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. I think these are concepts are related to the four horseman of the apocalypse because they are related to failure and ending. So basically, using these concepts in conflict will lead to failure in yourself or of someone else who is communication with you because these concepts are not used to have successful connection with other people. I believe all of these communication modes have been used against me in harmful ways because I know people who don’t know how to communicate with others in a way that isn’t rude or offensive.

An example of criticizing being used against me is someone, not mentioning names, who did not approve of certain clothes that I had worn once and pointed out that they did not like it, note this person did not say why they didn’t like it, and claimed that I looked like a slut. I think that is criticizing negatively without purpose in a harmful way. Defensiveness has been used against me in a bad way, an example of this would be me trying to communicate calmly with someone and in response that person would only respond in needless defense of themselves by lying and saying that they did things that they never did and saying that I was being rude even though I was speaking in a very calm and respectful manner while using valid arguments. I think stonewalling is used against me in bad ways all the time, for example when a friend ignores me because they don’t approve certain ways that I live my life that isn’t a big deal or doesn’t really affect them. Contempt is used against me in similar ways stonewalling is, for example if a friend is upset with me, they more than often don’t say anything about it and stay bitter about a subject until I bring it up to them and insist on talking about it so that they stop thinking I do things just to bother them, when in fact I don’t.

I think that the worst of the four horseman communication modes to be used against me is negative criticism because it means that people find something wrong in me rather than in their own preferences. Defensiveness is also bad for the same reason. Long term however, contempt would be the worst because it is a feeling that can fester over a long time and make someone hate another person.

I do not use any of the four horseman communication modes negatively except for contempt for people that I’ve known for a long time. However, I think that I am justified in contempt for these people because I don’t dislike or hate people for no reason. Reasons I don’t use the four communication modes is because if I have a problem with something I think of why I have that problem and what I can do to fix is rather than blame it on someone else. I do not have a good example of any of these communication modes used by myself because I hardly use them if at all and definitely not in very harmful ways. If in case I do use them however it is not out of fear. It may be out of anger or concern at or for another person, however if it were out of concern then the chances are that I will not be communicating in harmful ways. In conclusion, I think that I communicate in extremely honest and constructive ways because I don’t lie to people often and I’m almost always honest and do not go looking to harm people verbally in my spare time.