My Emotions in Conflict

Throughout most of the conflicts in my life, I usually display the same emotions and feelings. How strongly I display them depends mainly on the situation and whom I am in conflict with. When I experience conflict with my family, roommates, friends, or work, the most common emotions that I exhibit are irritation, frustration, and passion.

The main conflicts in my family used to be between me and my brother. For example, when we were both in high school, I would get angry when he would be allowed to do something that I wasn’t allowed to do. Or when he got a car and I didn’t. Granted, my brother is two years older than I am so I really didn’t have a right to get upset. Other conflicts that arose between us were due to the fact that I’m a “daddy’s girl”, so he believed that my dad played favorites at times. No matter the conflict or the reason behind it, I would get frustrated and have no problem showing it. My family knows me very well, so they always knew which buttons to push in order to make my frustration grow. My brother was always sarcastic and would antagonize me just to see me get even more frustrated. This would then create the emotion of irritation.

Irritation is not an unfamiliar emotion to me. Unfortunately, it does not take much to get me irritated. I really do wish I didn’t get irritated so easily because I tend to tune out the people surrounding me. Those people then get the idea that they are the reason for my quiet and irritated attitude. Conflicts in my dorm room have grown due to this; my roommates took my attitude personally and thought I was angry with them. Although it wasn’t a huge conflict, it did cause a problem between us. Getting irritated easily definitely isn’t one of my greatest qualities.

Recently, I have had a couple conflicts at my new job. I just began working on campus at a tutoring center. I was told it would take a while (maybe a couple weeks) to get me in the system for payroll, but it took much longer than that. The payroll department finally had me processed into the system but then they said something was wrong with the direct deposit. Long story short, I didn’t get paid until about two months later and I was extremely confused and frustrated during the whole process. Although this conflict made me extremely stressed out and frustrated, I did not show my emotions. If something like this happened between myself and a family member, I definitely would have shown my frustration and I would have argued with passion.  

With people I’m most comfortable with, I don’t have a problem showing my anger because I know they won’t take it personally. In other settings, such as at work, I don’t think showing my emotions—no matter how strong they are—is appropriate. Nor will it resolve anything. I believe that there is a time and place to display certain emotions and a time and place to not display certain emotions.

Movie Night Experience, The Outsiders

Ellie Soriano

HCOM214

Movie Blog Entry

The Outsiders Movie Night Experience

My group watched the movie, The Outsiders, mostly together in a main quad residential lobby. We invited some friends to watch the movie with us so it wasn’t just the members of the group. It was difficult to understand everything that was happening in the movie because of technical difficulties such as volume level on the tv, this resulted in me having to re-watch clips of the movie to fully understand the impact of some parts of the movie. I thought the movie as a whole was good and I would give it a high rating if I was a movie critique.

The main characters that our group focused on, Dally, Ponyboy and Johnny were all interesting characters and I pitied them. Dally had potential to be a good person and not be shot down by the police if only he felt like he had someone that he could talk to and feel like they cared about it equally. He didn’t feel like he had that person though, even though all the greasers cared about him, his foolishness lead to his ultimate downfall.

Johnny was just as good as the rest of them if not better, he may have killed someone but it was out of defense and in hot blood and in all honesty I feel like the members of the rival gang deserved it and got what was coming to them. Johnny’s problem was that he drew the short end of the sticks of fate, he was a morally good kid who had a lot of friends that cared about him even though he didn’t have a stable family life.

Ponyboy was the only one out of the three main boys that we focused on who lived, so he was the most successful in that sense. He was an impressionable kid which was the only reason he was involved in anything crazy, his problem was going along with everything his friends and family did and never really standing up for himself and voicing his opinion.

Despite my group focusing on Dally, Johnny, and Ponyboy, I thought the most interesting characters were Ponyboy’s brothers. His brothers were Sodapop and Darrel. They were his older brothers and I thought that they were more interesting than the three boys we focused on. Sodapop always did his best to look out for Ponyboy, he was kind and compassionate towards everyone that he knew and I think that was great because there aren’t a lot of people like that nowadays nor were there a lot of people like him back then either, I also think it’s funny because he was a greaser too. Sodapop was also able to hold a job to help support his brothers. Darrel was the oldest brother of the three, he was leader of the greasers and he had a job, all the while taking full care of his younger brothers. I think that it takes a lot of skill and durability to do what Darrel had to do because it’s not easy to take care of two boys by yourself and you have to respect and admire him as a character for that. All in all my favorite character was Sodapop.

At the end of the movie we all discussed topics and subjects that were in the movie. My group asked our friends questions to get their opinion on the movie and everyone agreed with each other with their answers. In conclusion, the movie night was a good experience, educationally and socially.

My Interpersonal Conflicts, Post #5

Finals week is approaching rapidly. I feel as if I am on a high speed train with no brakes and heading right towards an incomplete bridge suspended over a canyon (like in one of those western films), that I will inevitably fall off. My stress stems from a few sources right now. Obviously with impending large tests and essays due in the next week I am feeling the pressure. However I have come to realize it is not solely due to the fact that I have these tests. It is coming from my lack of knowing where I stand in several of my classes. For example in my chemistry and psychology classes the teachers regularly update the course grade book on iLearn. I have a 95% in chemistry and a 91% in psychology, but in my HCOM 214 and my Sociology 100 class I have no idea what my grades are therefore I don't know how to handle the rest of the semester. Even in my Sociology class we have regular weekly assignments that I have gotten A's on every week, so with that knowledge I can infer my grade is most likely an A, but in HCOM I have absolutely no idea where I stand. Am I failing, as in having less than a 75% in the class, because if that's the case do I even need to do the final essay or am I just going to fail no matter what? Or do I have an A+ and I shouldn't be stressing as much because I will most likely be able to maintain that grade over the next week? Having received low B's on the last two presentations has got me concerned because I and my group thoroughly believe we did A work and since our A equals our professors B-, I am even more unsure what to expect with my final grade.
I think a lot of this intrapersonal conflict inside me also stems from my impending transfer. This fall I am leaving CSUMB, and attending a Junior College and then my ultimate goal is to transfer to UC Berkley, but do you think Berkley accepts students who get B's in freshman English? No, surely not one of the most competitive schools in the state does not accept mediocrity. I have been living with the stress of my performance academically for the entire semester and now with the end in sight I wonder if I have allowed my dreams to slip through my fingers. This feeling of failure only serves to further my stress about where I will go and what is my back up plan? I am ready for the summer because I feel as if I am going to explode with stress if I don't get a break soon.
Actually writing this has served to be very therapeutic and I feel better now that I have vented my anger a little bit, a more organized stress vs. the original chaotic stress. But it is not relief enough having final grades in iLearn will be my only release from this ball of stress I have wound myself into.

My Topic / Content Goals

Ellie Soriano

HCOM214

Blog Entry

4/30/15

My Topic or Content Goals

Family, friendship and romantic relationships are all very different in their own ways but they have many things in common that keep the relationship together. Main topics that exist in all three relationships, family, friendship and romantic, are understanding, affection and time spent together. Understanding would be defined as how well you and whoever else involved are knowledgeable of each other and how well they know each other personally and each other’s history. Affection is self-explanatory and simply put, how well one person and others get along with each other and how much they actually like each other. Finally, time spent together is also self-explanatory, it is the amount of time you spend with others involved in either a friendship, family or romantic relationship. I think these three topics are very important and must be constant to have a functional and healthy relationship with family, friends and romantic partners. If these three topics are not present then disputes may arise within the given relationship.

In family, all three topics are equally important and if they are lacking in any particular subject, there might be arguments and family feuds as well as sore feelings that may or may not be healed with time. Understanding is the least important of the three topics with family because most family relationships are unconditional love in the sense where you may not like your family members but you still love them. If you do not understand each other though it may be difficult to connect if people are too different from each other. When there is absolutely no understanding in family there will be major disputes that will hurt all parties involved, often forming tensions between multiple people. Affection is another topic that is slightly more important than understanding for similar reasons, mainly you need to actually like your family members and be affectionate towards each other in order to get along. Time spent together is equally significant to affection in family relationships because families do not often all live together and the more time spent together, the more there is a connection between everyone because the more time there is spent together, the more they need to tolerate each other for a longer period of time.

For friendship relationships the most important topics are understanding and time together, without those there is no friendship, affection would mostly be an added bonus. In order to be friends with someone, most people would require shared traits such as interests and humor, which would represent understanding which is the basis of friendships. Time spent together is equally important to understanding because as friends, people need to spend time together in order to feel connected, this is different from family because family will still feel connected even without a lot of time together and that is something that does not happen in friendship relationships. Affection is the lesser of the two for friendships because people can show their appreciation for one another in other ways than always being affectionate and friendships also base off of similar traits not affection.

Romantic relationships need all three to be successful relationships, but mostly affection and understanding. Affection is obviously the most important in a romantic relationship because it’s based off of romantic feeling for another person and if that affection isn’t shown then it’s going to be difficult to keep that relationship a romantic one. Understanding is also important in a similar way that affection is, because when in a romantic relationship each person will want to get to know the other very well and if they are not able to truly understand each other then it will be difficult to be affectionate for specific reasons. Time spent together is also important because it gives time for the other two topics to occur but it’s not the most important because people in romantic relationships find ways to communicate with each other while not being able to physically see each other; which is why long distance relationships can work out when there’s a lot of affection and understanding between the two partners.

In conclusion, affection, understanding and time together are all very important in family, friendship and romantic relationships alike.

Emotions in Conflict

For me emotions are common in conflict.  I have different emotions towards different people in different settings. Most of the time my conflict is with my family. The next would be conflict with friends and the last would be at work.

The conflict with my family are usually with me and my dad. We do not always agree on things and who they should be done. Most of the time we end up really upset with one another and don’t talk for a while. One of the big disagreements that we have had was about where I was going to go to college. I wanted to get out and he wanted me to stay. I felt that he wasn’t listening and he said he was. The most common emotions I had during this time was anger, frustration, vulnerability and a bit of sadness. I was anger with him because I felt like I didn’t have a say about my future. I was frustrated because I just wanted to be heard. He told me how he felt and how he wanted me to stay home for a year or two and then transfer. I told him that that was not going to work but that I would take it into consideration. I was sad because he was listening to me but not understanding why I wanted to move away. Eventually everything got better we worked it out, and he is happy that I left.

Another conflict with my family would be with my mom. I really wanted to a church leadership conference with my friend. I was all set to go, when she told she was worried about me going. I told her everything would be fine but she would not take that as an answer. Finally I had to give her an itinerary of what we were going to do. I also had to tell her when I got there and when I left to go home. I felt like I wasn’t being trusted even though I have not given her a reason not to.  In the end it all worked out and I had a good time at the conference.

A conflict that I had with a good friend was mostly about miscommunication. I told her that I was going to be late to a birthday party we were invited to. I had to be at another function before I could make it to that one. I told her she didn’t have to be there on time because she wouldn’t know very many people. She forgot that I had another function that day and got upset with me when I didn’t show up on time. I tried to tell her over the phone that I reminded her that I was going to be late. Once I got there I had a chance to explain myself even though it wasn’t my fault and that I reminded her I was going to be late. It all worked out once she gave me the chance to explain and that it was all just a misunderstanding.

   The last conflict I am going to talk about is in a work setting. I was catering for a family member. Everyone was giving me a different task to do at different times while I was trying to finish the other task given. When I would try to say I’ll help you once I am done with this job they would interrupt me and say that I needed to help them at that very moment. Finally I had enough. My supervisor came over to me and asked why I looked for frazzled and I told her what was going on and how when I tried to explain things to my coworkers about how I had to do this before that. It all worked out in the end and the event we were helping at turned out just fine.

He wasn't too Beastly...

It just so happens that I watched the movie Beastly today. So basically, this movie is a modern day version of Beauty and the Beast. It starts with this boy (Kyle) in high school who only cares about people's appearances. He believes he is popular and believes everyone likes him, but in reality this is false. He decides to run for class president and shows off his arrogant and cocky attitude. The school "witch" named Kendra, gets aggravated with his continuous comments of putting down "ugly" people, and his bullying behaviors. In response to this, she casts a spell to make him as ugly on the outside, as he is on the inside. The only way for him to reverse the hideous effects of the spell is to find true love.

The conflict in this movie is between Kyle and Kendra. Kyle, I would say, has more power in the beginning of the movie. Kyle is this popular child who gets all the attention from everyone. He is well known and everyone wants to be his friend in hopes of getting their high school status promoted. Kyle is constantly making fun of Kendra for being this emo looking witch, therefore has more power. He also has more power within the school setting in the sense that Kyle has control over the student population. Kendra is basically the typical loner and is, in a way, powerless.

However, as soon as Kyle makes a wrong move towards Kendra, she turns the table around on him and curses him. I personally don't think he looks too horrible to be honest...but from this point on in the movie, Kendra has more power over him and is superior. She has Kyle begging to reverse the effects of the spell as she laughs as he suffers from looking at his own reflection. Kyle now has no choice but to go on the mission to try to find true love to break the curse. He slowly learns to better himself throughout the course of the movie and finally found his true love.

That's it! I couldn't take it anymore! (A conflict Memory)

        The thought that use to run through my head as i was getting closer to my graduation date was "Wow! I made it, i'm finally off to college!" It's crazy to think that i accomplished as much as i did in that moment. As the months got closer and time was running against me, i soon realized that i was soon leaving the place i called home for 18 years and off to live in a completely new area without knowing anyone and what made me even more nervous was that i would be living with someone i know nothing about or have never lived with; complete strangers in one room. It's funny because i remember turning to college movies or shows and thinking "OH MY GOD! Having a roommate is going to be the best experience ever!" Don't worry, those thoughts didn't stay with me long knowing that movies are always overdramatic! But i did try to have a good perspective coming into college, because that is the best way to do it. Now that i am coming down to my first completed year of college, i realized that not everything is the "best experience ever", and for me that came down to one long and dreadful conflict that is now becoming a forgotten memory.
        Being a freshman means having a lot of experiences headed your way; good and bad, it's safe to say that most of my first semester was more of a mix of bad rather than good. College is all about meeting new people and finding you click in social, academic, and personal life standings, and i did for the most part but the one thing that never clicked since the beginning was the matching of my former roommate and i. The funny thing is that we were complete opposites when it came down to everything; point-of-view on school, social life, relationships, friends, etc. There was no way i could have made it work with her, conflicts was always a part of our relationship. When I realized the enormity of the problem I decided to remove myself from such a toxic environment. The realization is what saved me from the negative place I was living in.
        I know that i'm the type of person that likes to talk it out but i also know if i get the sense that the other person doesn't want to talk it out or fix it i won't waste my breathe trying to make everything okay again if they won't put in the effort i'm putting in. In this unhealthy relationship, it came to a point of not talking to each other at all or even mentioning anything once it happened, basically holding a grudge rather than communicating, which was fine by me because that was the last person i would want to talk to. There definitely was a lot of tension when it came to fixing the conflicts and that is what created more conflicts later, it was a repeating cycle. Being that i was put in this situation, i also knew it was for a good reason; being that it was a way for me to grow and understand my own and others attitude toward conflicts and how to feel with resolving them. Fortunately, as a former roommate, i did try to do the right thing by trying to seek peace or a compromise but left the emotions out of it because with emotions everything is harder. Considering that i was the one with the emotions rather than my former roommate it made me get stronger within myself.
         Conflicts will always sneak up on you and try to distract you from your purpose, and distraction can become a huge problem. I saw this whole experience as a huge distraction most of my first semester because it was a conflict happening in my everyday life, but i decided to remove myself from it all for the better of myself and my purpose of being in college. I was put in a better situation this past semester, which eventually helped me to have better communication and observation skills and currently when there are issues with my roommates it doesn't become this everyday conflict, it is a conflict that gets fixed between all of us by talking and listening because we want peace, harmony and love for our relationship and the environment we create everyday. A conflict that was becoming the better of myself is now just a faint memory.