Opposing Conflict Styles , Deborah and John (Movie Blog)

In the movie Spanglish there are a series of conflicts, but one of the bigger ones are the conflicts between John and Deborah. The biggest conflict is Deborah’s infidelity. Both as a couple are forced to work together to resolve family conflicts but it is difficult for them to come to the same conclusion as they have very different conflict resolution styles.

Deborah has a style that is competitive and wants to be the one with the upper hand in conflicts. Even if it means making herself as the victim or if she truly believes she is right and trying to be helpful. We this style from Deborah when she buys her daughter, Berni, clothes a size to small believing that it will motivate her to lose weight. But all she causes is a conflict with Bernie and makes her upset after already having a bad day. We can see it again after Flor confronts Deborah on taking her daughter out without Flors permission. When confronted she tells Flor to sleep on it and not to make a big deal out of it because she was only trying to help her daughter fit in and not feel left out.

John’s conflict style on the other hand is avoidant, he tries to get away from conflict at all costs and refuses to believe certain things have happened in order to avoid the conflict situation. As Berni’s father he was involved in the clothes situation but he didn’t do much about it and decided to stand aside. He could have intervened and help solve the problem between mother and child but his avoidant style didn’t allow him to play the role of mediator.

Deborah’s and John’s conflict styles really clash after John learns that Deborah has been having an affair. He is in complete denial at first and wishes not to listen to what Deborah is trying to explain. She is trying to explain her motives to why she cheated and wants to talk things out. By then it was too late in Johns eyes to actually work things out and be collaborative and he was still being avoidant.

Their opposing conflict styles and not willing to collaborate earlier caused for their relationship to fail and eventually end. If they had been aware of ways to solve their problems and perhaps taken a course like HCOM 214, it could have helped them in their conflict resolution.