The Whirlwind

Emotions play a critical role in the resolution, or lack of, and management of conflict. Our own preconceived notions about conflict can influence the emotions we feel during one. For example, if you think conflict is good, you would be more likely to have emotions correlated with positivism while trying to resolve it. And if you view conflict as negative, it might be harder for you to even engage in conflict in the first place. Either way though, "conflict is emotionally arousing - one cannot be in conflict and not experience emotional upheaval" according to William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker (198).

I can feel an array of different emotions during conflict, but typically I feel the same emotions within a relationship. To clarify, if I engage in conflict with my family I will feel the same emotions, no matter what the situation is. However, if I have a conflict with a supervisor, my emotions will be different than the ones I experience with my family. With that being said, when I engage in serious conflict with my mother, it is usually because I broke the rules, or did something else wrong. She brutally points out my mistakes, which makes my identity feel attacked. This leads me to feel shame and doubt in my abilities, which perpetuates hurt. Furthermore, I feel inferior because she has more power than me and she makes it very clear. Even though, the same is true in the work place, I tend to feel different emotions.

At work I try not to engage in conflict unless completely necessary. To me it is best to avoid conflict at work because the security of your job can be compromised if you raise too many concerns. I don't feel fearful though, it is more of an awareness of what is at stake. I did engage in conflict once, though. I worked at an ice skating rink recently and got along with my boss really well. However, the assistant manager was extremely rude and condescending towards me. I decided I had to let my boss know. I felt horribly nervous when I told him because she had more power in the situation than I did. By the time the conversation was over I actually felt relieved because he said he agreed with me, which meant my job was not in jeopardy. After feeling relieved, I recall feeling satisfied in my decision.

When it comes to my roommate, I avoid conflict at ALL costs. She is the most selfish, inconsiderate person I know. I used to tell her when little things bothered me, but she would not stop doing it so it is pointless to bring the issue up. When I want to engage in conflict with her, I feel rage because I can not hit her (well, I could, but that would lead to severe consequences). She makes me want to hit her because I get frustrated when she disrespects me, but I can not make her change her behavior.

I do not have a romantic relationship, but I can imagine feeling hurt and betrayed if my partner cheated or said something that I did not like. I can imagine one's identity feeling especially attacked in this situation because we expect our partners to have our best interest and cherish us.

In short, the emotions I feel in each conflict, depending on relationship are:

Family- hurt, shame, doubt, inferiority

Work- nervous, content, relieved

Roommate- rage, anger, frustration

Romantic- hurt, betrayal