March 4, 2015
The amazing thing about the body is how feelings are connected with everything in your body, coming down to how you will act, what you will say/how you sound, to how you will look, how you will see or take things in your perspective, even how different you will think depending on that feeling. The thing with intrapersonal conflict is that it can really conflict with all the things already happening in your life, whether it's schedules, homework, work, social life, etc. Intrapersonal conflicts is inescapable and it's part of our life to go through these kinds of conflicts but i think i'm still struggling to deal and face them.
One intrapersonal conflict that i see myself dealing with more often than most of my other self conflicts is how i normally beat myself up on always trying to be fit, eating healthy, and working out, which i know is some other people's conflict as well, but i feel that this is where i struggle most with my inner self. I decided to change my bad lifestyle when i was about a junior in high school, it came down to the basics of me not wanting to look the way i did and continue making bad choices, so i started joining my dad by starting a membership at the local gym by our house, and that was the start of a new lifestyle for me. Considering that i went to the gym everyday and went on a stricter diet, i was beginning to feel better about myself and i was growing stronger as a person because i started to see the results i wanted and was reaching my goals of looking and feeling fit and confident. When i was about half a year into my change i began to notice that i was harder on myself, which sounds good but it sometimes wasn't. I began looking at photos of healthy and very fit people thinking it would motivate me to keep going and reaching my goals, which don't get me wrong, It did that of course, but this is where the conflict meets me finally.
Remembering that special saying, "You are what you eat", seemed to come more into play than ever! Looking at all those amazing pictures made me feel that there was no way i could stand a chance in looking like that, which was dumb at the time, but when i began comparing myself to everything i was looking at, i began to feel the conflict, i kept telling myself "i can't do it" or "there is no point" considering i was far off from any type of goal like that. Each day after that i began beating myself up or complaining to myself in my head whenever i didn't eat healthy, and did what i like to call "cheat" on my good eating habits. For example when i would eat something bad i would say to myself " Why did you eat that? Don't you want to get fit? Well it's to late now! Better workout harder at the gym tonight!" and i would do exactly that and make sure that whatever i did wrong i would make up for it. Knowing that i do exactly, that makes me realize now how much of a conflict it became to me because i let it get to me and i didn't seem to know how to express it rather just letting it push my buttons. Noticing that i couldn't express my conflict took a bigger toll on my actions and how i handled them.
Having the feeling of intrapersonal conflicts can really take a toll on someone but it all comes down to you, it's the most important part. Coming from a perspective where i didn't really express how it was affecting me shows that conflict can come in so many shapes or forms and it's important to know how to handle them whether it's within or with multiple parties. Not taking actions towards your conflict is the wrong thing to do and is avoiding, which should never be done because it only becomes bigger or get worse. I believe that by conflict coming into your life, it brings the challenges for a reason because it's meant to help you grow stronger as a person ,and besides, what's life without a lot of challenges and conflicts to come with it?
The amazing thing about the body is how feelings are connected with everything in your body, coming down to how you will act, what you will say/how you sound, to how you will look, how you will see or take things in your perspective, even how different you will think depending on that feeling. The thing with intrapersonal conflict is that it can really conflict with all the things already happening in your life, whether it's schedules, homework, work, social life, etc. Intrapersonal conflicts is inescapable and it's part of our life to go through these kinds of conflicts but i think i'm still struggling to deal and face them.
One intrapersonal conflict that i see myself dealing with more often than most of my other self conflicts is how i normally beat myself up on always trying to be fit, eating healthy, and working out, which i know is some other people's conflict as well, but i feel that this is where i struggle most with my inner self. I decided to change my bad lifestyle when i was about a junior in high school, it came down to the basics of me not wanting to look the way i did and continue making bad choices, so i started joining my dad by starting a membership at the local gym by our house, and that was the start of a new lifestyle for me. Considering that i went to the gym everyday and went on a stricter diet, i was beginning to feel better about myself and i was growing stronger as a person because i started to see the results i wanted and was reaching my goals of looking and feeling fit and confident. When i was about half a year into my change i began to notice that i was harder on myself, which sounds good but it sometimes wasn't. I began looking at photos of healthy and very fit people thinking it would motivate me to keep going and reaching my goals, which don't get me wrong, It did that of course, but this is where the conflict meets me finally.
Remembering that special saying, "You are what you eat", seemed to come more into play than ever! Looking at all those amazing pictures made me feel that there was no way i could stand a chance in looking like that, which was dumb at the time, but when i began comparing myself to everything i was looking at, i began to feel the conflict, i kept telling myself "i can't do it" or "there is no point" considering i was far off from any type of goal like that. Each day after that i began beating myself up or complaining to myself in my head whenever i didn't eat healthy, and did what i like to call "cheat" on my good eating habits. For example when i would eat something bad i would say to myself " Why did you eat that? Don't you want to get fit? Well it's to late now! Better workout harder at the gym tonight!" and i would do exactly that and make sure that whatever i did wrong i would make up for it. Knowing that i do exactly, that makes me realize now how much of a conflict it became to me because i let it get to me and i didn't seem to know how to express it rather just letting it push my buttons. Noticing that i couldn't express my conflict took a bigger toll on my actions and how i handled them.
Having the feeling of intrapersonal conflicts can really take a toll on someone but it all comes down to you, it's the most important part. Coming from a perspective where i didn't really express how it was affecting me shows that conflict can come in so many shapes or forms and it's important to know how to handle them whether it's within or with multiple parties. Not taking actions towards your conflict is the wrong thing to do and is avoiding, which should never be done because it only becomes bigger or get worse. I believe that by conflict coming into your life, it brings the challenges for a reason because it's meant to help you grow stronger as a person ,and besides, what's life without a lot of challenges and conflicts to come with it?
Nice reflection on the internal, "inner-self" conflict between your desire to be fit and your expectations of perfect fitness (fueled by magazines) that you find yourself always falling short of and continually beating yourself up and feeling guilty for indulging. I can relate to that. Appreciate your honesty in admitting to avoidance but that now you are confronting the source of this conflict: what do you think you will do? Lower your expectations on body perfect? Become more flexible and forgiving on yourself?
ReplyDelete