My Conflict Memory

As a child of separated parents, where my time was spent was often a tug of war between my parents. Christmas Eve here, Christmas morning there, “You got her last year so I should get her this year… No you definitely had her last year I’m pretty sure…” Every weekend, break, and holiday was the same because it was never really a choice. I couldn’t wait to turn 18 and go to college because then, I thought, since I wouldn’t be living with either of my parents, and therefore I wouldn’t be in the middle of a never ending battle over my time.

            Recently, my mom moved to San Diego, which is 5 hours away from the town where I grew up, went to school, and my dad lives, making spending a break with both of them a lot more difficult because I’m not going to spend breaks driving back and fourth between the two, only to return to school soon after. I was back to where I started, having to pick which holiday I was going to spend with which parent and hoping it was the same amount of time so that neither parent would be offended or hurt that I chose to spend more time with the other. Because home is much closer to CSUMB than San Diego, and I visit much more often, I decided to spend Christmas and summer breaks with my mom, as they’re the two longest of the year, and the rest of my free time with my Dad.

I thought my plan was pretty solid, and even if it wasn’t, it was the best I could come up with, but my mom seems to have a problem with it. I just spent all of Christmas break with her; an entire month, and she still wants me to fly down for spring break, not even taking into account that I haven’t been home since Thanksgiving. It’s really irritating, because not only am I old enough to make my own decisions, she’s still treating me like a kid. I’m still going home, but every time I talk to her there’s some mention of how sad or disappointed she is that I won’t be there for spring break. At this point I feel like she’s trying to make me feel guilty, and the more she does so, the more annoyed I become. I understand that because I’m in college now we don’t get to spend as much time together as we used to, but she’s completely disregarding the fact that my dad should get some time with me as well.       Usually I like to be upfront in conflict, but my mom seems really sure of her stance on this one, so I've given up my attempts to try and make her see my side of things. Hopefully, after spring break happens she goes back to normal because I feel like the fact that it’s still brought up every time we talk is ridiculous.

            Are other people’s parents this way or do they actually realize that you’re fully capable of deciding things for yourselves?