You don't know what you have until it's gone.

I use to have a best friend, but I lost him. I first met my friends Luis, in 2^nd grade, and we went everywhere together, and did everything together, but that soon came to an end. We continued to hangout through elementary and middle school, but in high school, things changed. In high school, we hanged out the first year, because we were new to the high school, but little by little, we grew apart. We would hang out less and less and eventually we stopped hanging out completely. I think we stopped hanging out, because we had needs that weren't going to be accomplished by hanging out with each other. Luis was into playing basketball, whereas I wasn't interested in playing any sports. I was kind of nerdy, and I played video games person, I didn't want to play basketball. I was the calmer, chill dude, and he was all about sports. If we had stayed good friend’s and hanged out, one of us would have had to give up our goals. Looking back on it, I wish I had stayed in contact with Luis. We could of done like a compromise, so we could of gave up a little to still be friends, but we didn’t, which sucks. In my senior year, we had a class together, but we never said one word to each other. We would look at each other with a mad face, like we were angry with each other, and that I think is due to the fact that we were the best friends. I was in some way mad him, for giving up on this friendship, and I think he felt the same way, but being the macho man I am, I never express my feelings, and that’s why I never talked to him about our friendship, but maybe this friendship was meant to end. Just because I feel a way, doesn't mean he felt the same, maybe he didn't want to be friends, which would make sense, because towards the end, he wouldn't really pay attention or even care about what we would do. Actually, I and Luis had a conflict in 7^th grade, I embarrassed him in front of some girls, by kicking him in the nuts. I think he never got over that incident. I don’t remember why I kicked him in the nuts, maybe because I was just a stupid immature kid. He confronted me when I kicked him in the nuts, and he began to yell at me, but I’m not the type to get angry, so I just ignored him, and told him to chill. Eventually, we began to hang out but it wasn't the same. I guess he got mad at me for two reasons, one for kicking him in the nuts, which is painful, but also he was trying to impress the girls, and I go and kick him in the nuts. Now I’m in college, and he’s doing his own thing, but I can’t help and wonder what would of happened if I had a actually confronted him and told him I’m sorry, maybe we would still be friends. I feel like the conflict with kicking his nuts, is what drove us apart, and if I was a good friend, then I would have been more effective in expressing myself and communicating with him to resolve the conflict. I should have talked to him about the incident and tried to see what he felt and then try to work towards a resolution, but it was too late, I had lost him

Conflict in the Movie "Happy Gilmore"

Daniel Livingston

HCOM-214

Blake Rodger

5/12/15

Conflict Between Two Characters

                In the movie “Happy Gilmore”, there is an obvious conflict between two of the characters. The conflict was with “Shooter” McGavin, a reigning pro golfer, and Happy Gilmore, a hockey player turned golfer. The conflict begins when Happy grandmother is unable to pay for house due to her not paying her taxes over the years. So once the house goes open for auction, Shooter outbids for the house to spite Happy. However, they came between the agreement that if Happy could beat Shooter in the golfing championship, that he would give him and his grandma her house back. Happy is at a disadvantage at this point because he is less talented than Shooter, and the stakes are much much higher for himself, and very low for Shooter. As the timeline of the film continues, and Happy increases his golfing skills the conflict of the the two intensifies as the playing field is being leveled. So once the big championship tournament arrives, Shooter and Happy are both at the same level of power over each other, whereas Shooter had the power before. As the intense match comes to an end, Happy ends up winning the match with a stroke of luck, thus allowing him and his grandma to get their house and lives back to normal.

                

                Although, I left out a lot of what happened in the movie, the main conflict was that these golf tournaments were Shooter versus Happy, always. Shooter had the upper hand for the majority of the timeline, but as time went on, and Happys skills increased, the power was leveled out, and the conflict was eventually resolved because Happy won the tournament. This story is a classic case of one man trying to beat another man in something. This concept is nothing new in Hollywood, but the movie “Happy Gilmore” was able to put this old concept into something new in the aspect of golf and comedy, something that hasn’t happened since Caddy Shack.

Daniel Livingston

HCOM-214

Blake Rodger

5/12/15

Prompt: "My Topic or Content Goals"

          There are many situations in which conflict or a simple disagreement ca occur. Different environments may allow for more in depth arguments while other environments don't have the appropriate platform for someone’s opinion to be spoken. Along the same lines of scenarios and situations where conflict may arise, conflict can also be brought up in different forms in context to the group. For example, a topic that may come up in a work environment would probably handled much differently than in a church environment. The three different groups I would like to focus on are friends, family, and co-workers, and how an issue would arise, and how in these different contexts, they would be handled differently.

          

          First, in my experience, a controversial topic among friends really has no boundaries in terms of what we are going to say. An example of a topic that would traditionally arise among friends would probably be religion or politics. Because in family, mostly eve roe has the same religious and political views, but in friendships, it can vary more often. A topic that would come up in family, in my personal experience, with my brothers at least, would be film or television. Although it may sound silly, some of these conversations can get pretty heated. Topics like that are more common among family, but the with family, topics are more likely to get more sensitive with controversial topics such as abortion and gay marriage and similar topics. Lastly, with co-workers, the kind of topics that would come up in this environment very much greater than that of family and friends. The reason behind this is because with people at work, you are forced to be there, the relationships didn’t happen naturally. Since these relations among co-workers is artificial in a sense, topics tend to be less serious. The weather and mild politics are common in the work force because no one wants to step on anyone else’s opinions.

         With friends, I would say that the topics tend to get to more of a serious level because we all come from different backgrounds, unlike family. With family, the topics tend to be more lighthearted, but with the occasional deep discussion of a very pressing issue. In terms of family, I would see there is a pretty solid medium. And if there was a scale showing the mildness of topics among these groups, I would say the co-workers would be the mildest, with topics sally only used to crate small talk, and nothing further.

My Relational Goals

I have a many important relationships in my life. Some of those just stick out more than others do. Two people that have helped me a lot in my life is my mom and small group leader from church back home. They are two very special ladies. They have both helped me with understanding things that I could not understand.

One time I was really upset about a grade I got on a group project because no one in my group did what they were supposed to do. I did most of the work and had to stay up real late to get it done the night before because they were not prepared. The presentation did not look as well as it should have. If my group had done what they were supposed to do then we would not have had this problem. When I had got home from practice my mom was already home and she saw that I was very upset.  Normally she would tell me to get over it because it would have been my fault for doing my work on time. In this case she knew I had this big project due and saw me stay up late doing it. She asked me how it went and I told her that I did fine, but the rest of my group did not. I told her that all of us in the group were going to get the same grade and that was not going to be good. She told me that I should go talk to the teacher. I told her that I did and nothing was going to be done about it. Without me knowing she emailed my teacher telling them that they should listen to me and at least raise my grade on the project a little. The next day I was already planning to go and try and talk to my teacher one more time. My mom told me that I should not give up and that I should just suck it up if my teacher did not change their mind. My teacher did raise my grade not because of my mom but because of me. After I asked them to let me explain myself they said that they would take it into consideration. After that they asked if I had asked my mom to email them. I told them no and they said that she did email them. In the end my mom was right. She told me that I should stick up for myself and try not to get into this situation again.

Another key person in my life is Jackie. She is my small group leader back home. She helped me to try and get my dad to see why I wanted to go away to college. She was there for me when my grandfather died. When I was having trouble dealing with some friends who were not making very good choices, and trying to understand other people’s points of view on the world. She told me that I should be brave, kind, strong and loving no matter what was going to happen. She taught me to be more independent and trusting. She never treated me like a little kid and talked to me as an equal. Without her I probably would not have been able to do some of the things in my life that have impacted me so much. I learned how to resolve things from her. I will always be greatful.

Miscommunication in Conflict

We've all had that argument via texting or social media, that was taken to a whole different level because the message was taken in the wrong way.  This has happened to me numerous times, but most recently with my roommate, L.  L tends to leave her side of the room a mess, letting it get to a point where the mess starts to come over to my side of the room, or even in the common area of the room itself.  I have asked her numerous times to keep her mess to her side of the room, and she usually cleans up a little bit.  However, recently she went home for the weekend, leaving her side of the room a mess, and as usual it was also in my area and the common area of the room.  While this bothered me, I decided that it wasn't worth it to argue since she wasn't home anyways.  I texted her to ask if I could borrow some construction paper.  After saying it was fine for me to borrow it, I went over to try to find it in her desk, but was unable to find it due to the mess.  I texted her back stating "Hey where exactly is the paper, I can't find it anywhere." She told me exactly where I would find the paper, but I still couldn't find the paper. I simply texted her back saying that I still couldn't find the paper but that I didn't need it until Tuesday so she could just find it when she got back. L somehow took offense to this, claiming that I was telling her that her side was unbearably messy.  I had to tell her that it was not at all what I had meant by the joke that I had made, and that I was sorry that it had offended her.

This made me realize that conflict is often caused over social media and texting because of misinterpretations.  Sarcastic remarks, jokes, etc are often made but because the tone of someone's voice cannot be heard through the internet, conflict often arises.  Due to this, I feel it is in everyones best interests to have arguments and conflicts in person or even over the phone.  While the conflict with my roommate was very minor and quickly solved, it could have gotten worse if it had gone on for a while.

They Call Me 'MOM'

My roommate, T, and her friends, C and J, have always been there for me for emotional support since I met them first semester. There is one main problem, however, that has come to override the good in the friendship.

I have had to come to their rescue in a couple ways way too many times. I have loaned them way more money than most other people would even loan family members, I have had to 'babysit' them to make sure they are okay while they do illegal and/ or unsafe things, and I have had to go out of my way to cater to their needs more than I would normally expect to in a friendship.

I sold T a car for $3,200, of which she paid $1,000; I loaned her $200 for new tires because one of them popped while she was in Sacramento; and I have been covering her share of the insurance as well since she has not been able to afford it which totals $440. I have also paid $470 up front for T and C for a security deposit and their application fees for an apartment they were applying to get. J just owes me money for gas because he has been asking me to take him to work a lot. So in total:
T owes- $3,035
C owes- $235
J owes- $20

Up until about a month or so ago, I continued to let this happen because I felt like I should help them in each situation... like they had no other option and it seemed important. I also did it because I trust them to pay me back. Even though I still trust them to pay me back, and enjoy having them as friends, I realized that I need to start really holding them to their responsibility.

In order to do this and attempt resolving this very big, long-lasting conflict, I decided to take the car (which all three of them depended on) back since it is still in my name and under my insurance which I have been paying for anyway. My original plan was just to take it and sell it behind T's back without giving her a chance to explain or try to prove that she can afford it, and use what I sell the car for to just cancel her debt. So I have recently decided to just hold on to it until she gets her first paycheck, pays her first month's rent, and the deposit, then look at how much she will be making, and an expected budget including her rent, food, other bills, and see if she can still afford payments on the car, getting her own insurance, gas, and maintenance for the car. After explaining this to T, I made sure she clearly understood and agreed to these terms.

I think that was the better way to handle the conflict and still hold my ground; and either way I will get paid back for the debts owed to me.

My Emotions in Conflict

5/10/15 (Happy Mother's Day!)

My Emotions in Conflict

I have been described as a pretty easy-going guy and easy to get along with. I believe that due to this attribute, it is almost impossible for me to get extremely angry, mad, or very pissed off. I tend to see conflicting situations with a sense of humor. Don't get me wrong, I don't take things as a joke, I just tend to find conflicts a little funny. I believe that people have no need to get very angry and start shouting and if you really just see a situation, it becomes hilarious. When I'm involved in a conflict I tend to have a really good "control" of my emotions and therefore it is rare if I raise my voice even to one decibel. I guess, in a way, my use of humor is an avoidance style but I always get a good laugh, or at least a good chuckle, when I find myself with silly humans.

I think I suffer from a very mild obsessive-compulsive disorder and that leads me to being a little bit of a perfectionist. I try my best to get everything right on my first try whether a physical task or a mental task, and many times I have. However, when I fail at something, I find myself with the feelings of mortification, distress, and fear. In high school, I was terrified by failure, failure was my biggest enemy. Now I tend to not care as much and it has helped me a lot. If it is a little mistake I committed, then it doesn't bother me, but if it's something in which people depend on me or if it's a job-related task then I do feel a little distress. My mind doesn't really grasp the famous saying of "we learn from our mistakes" I think that saying is more attached to a person as they age. Anyways, this perfectionist characteristic of mine holds me back a lot and I think I have been able to overcome it a little bit. I think this is also another reason why I avoid some conflicts. 

I try my best to not show or at least to not mix my emotions with conflict. I'd rather just have a good straightforward talk with the other person about it and solve the conflict through healthy communication.